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A continental holiday

 
 
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jojo
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Joined: 11 Aug 2007
Odometer: 5422




PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 10:24 am    Post subject: A continental holiday Reply with quote

A Gendarme in Paris spots a Land Rover approaching the Champs Elysees with a light out. He beckons the driver to pull over, which he does and winds his window down. The Officer has a good look inside the car and notices that the driver and passenger are conjoined twins, Bobby & Davy.

Instead of making an issue over the light out situation he begins to engage in some friendly chat.
The Gendarme says “Ah, you are on holiday my friends?”

Davy replied “That's right, we've been coming every September weekend for the last 9 years”.
The Gendarme said “So I guess you come to France to get away from the rainy weather you have in England?

Davy replied “Nope, it nearly always pishes down when we come here. Your weather's no better than ours, isn't that right Bobby?” Bobby agreed “Yep that’s right”.

The Gendarme went on “Then I take it you are here to enjoy our delicious French food, very healthy”.

“Nope” replied Davy “Your food's rotten man, everything reeks of garlic. We've brought a box full of stuff to avoid eating your crap”.

Puzzled, the Gendarme asked “Then you must be here to drink our famous wines and cognac, surely”.

“Oh no” Davy replied “Your Booze is dreadful, we've had to bring a crate load of lager. Isn't that right Bobby?”
The Gendarme, who by now ever so slightly bemused said “Well in that case you must be here to see the Parisienne ladies, the most beautiful women in Europe .

“Your kidding” said Davey “The birds here are dogs, and I wouldn’t touch them with yours”.

The now rather irate Gendarme asked “Then why do you people come to our country if everything is so bad?

Bobby replied “Because it's the only chance poor Davy gets to drive!
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** GED **
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Joined: 18 Jun 2014
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Location: Scouser



PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 1:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing Laughing Laughing
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the other co-founder of the DCJC

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.
Difflock Royalty


Joined: 19 Jun 2002
Odometer: 40007
Location: Northern Ireland's Gold Coast


2009 Land Rover 110 CSW

PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 1:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

groan
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Bert the Defender 110 XS - because it's Cool (work it out yourself!)
Lolita the Lightweight
???? the V8 90 CSW
Suzuki DL1000 V-Strom - yes that's right, I have a Zook!
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Nightbar
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Joined: 30 Sep 2003
Odometer: 20799
Location: In a state of anticipation...


1999 Land Rover Defender

PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 2:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Coat, door...


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The ex-Difflock Ambassador to Naples, Sir Nightbar DCJC DFS and 2 bars.

Plant a tree for the Difflock 3
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jojo
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Joined: 11 Aug 2007
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 9:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

. wrote:
groan


Sorry.

2 nuns sitting on a park bench, a pervert comes up to them opens his mack and flashes his manhood at them. . . . . one nun had a stroke the other couldn't reach.

J
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mike328
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Joined: 10 Dec 2014
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Location: Suffolk!



PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 9:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

jojo wrote:
. wrote:
groan


yep.

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Snap On: Turning drawers into status symbols since 1920.
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Nightbar
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Joined: 30 Sep 2003
Odometer: 20799
Location: In a state of anticipation...


1999 Land Rover Defender

PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 9:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

jojo wrote:
. wrote:
groan


Sorry.

2 nuns sitting on a park bench, a pervert comes up to them opens his mack and flashes his manhood at them. . . . . one nun had a stroke the other couldn't reach.

J


Two nuns in a bath.
One says "where's the soap?"
The other replies "yes it does"

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The ex-Difflock Ambassador to Naples, Sir Nightbar DCJC DFS and 2 bars.

Plant a tree for the Difflock 3
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mike328
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Joined: 10 Dec 2014
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Location: Suffolk!



PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 9:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't get it.
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Snap On: Turning drawers into status symbols since 1920.
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jojo
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Joined: 11 Aug 2007
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 9:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Two eggs boiling in a saucepan! 1 female 1 male, she turns to him and say's look I've got a crack!

He replies no point in telling me I'm not even hard yet...

J
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jojo
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Joined: 11 Aug 2007
Odometer: 5422




PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 9:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

mike328 wrote:
I don't get it.



Nor did the other nun!!!!

J

Two nuns were on their bikes in the cobbled streets of Paris and the first nun says to the other "Have you come this way before?".
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mike328
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Joined: 10 Dec 2014
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 9:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

jojo wrote:
Two eggs boiling in a saucepan! 1 female 1 male, she turns to him and say's look I've got a crack!

He replies no point in telling me I'm not even hard yet...

J


Groan. Laughing

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Snap On: Turning drawers into status symbols since 1920.
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Nightbar
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Joined: 30 Sep 2003
Odometer: 20799
Location: In a state of anticipation...


1999 Land Rover Defender

PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 10:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2 - but nobody knows how they got in there.

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The ex-Difflock Ambassador to Naples, Sir Nightbar DCJC DFS and 2 bars.

Plant a tree for the Difflock 3
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one2killu
Off-Road Guru


Joined: 09 Jan 2010
Odometer: 1021
Location: suffolk


1996 Suzuki Samurai

PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 11:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A nun and a priest are wandering, lost, in the desert, when all of a sudden their camel up and dies.
Seeing nothing but sand around them for miles, they prepare themselves to meet their Maker.
The Priest, knowing that he's mere hours away from death,
says: You know, I've never seen a woman's breasts before. Since it probably won't matter any more soon anyways, would you show me yours?
The nun agrees, and shows him.
He asks, 'May I touch them?
She agrees, and he tells her with complete sincerity that they're very nice.
Next, the nun says that she's never seen a man's SPAM before, and would he mind showing her his. He agrees, and whips it out.
That's very nice! She says. May I touch it?
He agrees, and she fondles him, resulting, of course, in a hard on .
The priest, now overcome years of pent-up lust,
says: You know, if I put my SPAM in the right place, it can give life!
She asks, Is that so?
Yes!
Then why don't you stick it up that camel's ass and let's get the hell out of here!
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jojo
Mud Obsessed


Joined: 11 Aug 2007
Odometer: 5422




PostPosted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 10:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy Laughing
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Xpajun
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Joined: 22 Sep 2008
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1988 Mitsubishi Shogun

PostPosted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 9:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

mike328 wrote:
I don't get it.


Didn't realise you were a nun Laughing
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mike328
Articulating


Joined: 10 Dec 2014
Odometer: 793
Location: Suffolk!



PostPosted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 11:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Xpajun wrote:
mike328 wrote:
I don't get it.


Didn't realise you were a nun Laughing


Laughing Laughing

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Snap On: Turning drawers into status symbols since 1920.
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