Crap Joke Club joke

jojo · Mud Obsessed Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Odometer: 5370

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.
'I'd like to be eight again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park.
What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries
and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favourite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, “'Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?”
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
“I meant my dress size, you idiot!”

Damian · Posted: Fri Jan 04, 2019 4:37 pm Post subject:

I've had to cancel my meeting at constipated anonymous tonight - I can't go.

Nightbar · Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2019 10:07 am Post subject:

^^^ groan ^^^

Cool

Damian · Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2019 1:46 pm Post subject:

Jokes about sugar are rare. Jokes about brown sugar, well, demerara.

Damian · Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2019 1:50 pm Post subject:

Whilst I'm still here, I’ve got a polish friend who’s a sound engineer.
I’ve got a Czech one too...

Nightbar · Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2019 7:39 pm Post subject:

Damian · Posted: Wed Mar 27, 2019 5:13 pm Post subject:

Me: What's the Wi-Fi password?
Barman: You need to buy a drink first.
Me: Okay, I'll have a beer.
Barman: Is Birra Moretti okay?
Me: Sure. How much is that?
Barman: £4.
Me: There you go. So what's the Wi-Fi password?
Barman: you need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase...

Nightbar · Posted: Wed Mar 27, 2019 5:40 pm Post subject:

jojo · Mud Obsessed Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Odometer: 5370

What do you call someone who gets drunk in Bristol?

A Pistolian.
.
.
.
.

Well, this is the crap joke club.

J

PS: and they don't get any crappier.

Nightbar · Posted: Sat Jun 20, 2020 8:18 am Post subject:

There's a statu(t)e against jokes like that Cool

jojo · Mud Obsessed Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Odometer: 5370

Doctor, doctor, I think I am a goat.

How long have you been thinking that?

Ever since I was a kid.

Coat, door, gone.

J

Nightbar · Posted: Sun Jun 28, 2020 7:07 am Post subject:

Let me help Cool

jojo · Mud Obsessed Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Odometer: 5370

A bus conductor on the buses taking fares pushes one of his passengers off the bus and kills him. At the trial he is found guilty of murder and is sentenced to death by the the electric chair.

As a last meal he asks for a bunch of green bananas, which he duly eats.

They sit him down, plug him in a send a million volts through him. When the smoke clears he is sitting there, right as rain. Checking through the statutes the governor finds he has no choice but to release him.

The chap goes back to his job on the buses and lo and behold allows another passenger to fall to his death. Once again he is found guilty and sentenced to death.

At the prison he, again, asks for a bunch of green bananas, which he duly receives and scoffs down. In the chair again and this time he is zapped with 2 million volts. Smoke clears and ****** me there he sits, right as rain.

As before he goes back to his old job. Through a combination of stupidity and sheer malice he, yet again, allows another passenger to fall to their death under the wheels of the bus (it was quite messy really!) The judge has no choice but to find him guilty and off he goes to the chair.

As you may have guessed he asks for his bunch of green bananas (getting predictable now) eats them, gets strapped in, 3 million volts and yep, he's right as rain.

The executioner, who is really ****** off by now, approaches him and asks what the secret is, is it, as he suspects the green bananas that save his life. "No" replies the prisoner "I'm just a bad conductor!

J

Nightbar · Posted: Fri Jul 17, 2020 6:07 pm Post subject:

Yep ~ the old ones the best Cool

jojo · Mud Obsessed Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Odometer: 5370

Thank you kind sir for your compliment. It's nice to know that old ones like me are thought of as the best as we go on counting our pensions.

J

jojo · Mud Obsessed Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Odometer: 5370

A wife comes home late at night, and quietly opens the door to the bedroom.

From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for her husbands cricket bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Leaving the covered bodies groaning, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

"Hi Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say "hello"?

J

jojo · Mud Obsessed Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Odometer: 5370

Is everyone dead, on lockdown or just ****ed off to somewhere nice without telling everyone?

J

Nightbar · Posted: Sat Aug 15, 2020 10:38 am Post subject:

Yes

jojo · Mud Obsessed Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Odometer: 5370

Well, I am not surprised when we we have to put up with jokes like that.

J