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absquatulation Off-Road Guru
Joined: 17 Apr 2005 Odometer: 1922 Location: Lost
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Posted: Mon Sep 25, 2017 10:19 am Post subject:
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** GED ** wrote: |
Gizza Job? |
A scouser saying Gizza Job?
__________________________________ I'm not here...... |
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Xpajun Mud Obsessed
Joined: 22 Sep 2008 Odometer: 3245
1988 Mitsubishi Shogun
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Posted: Mon Sep 25, 2017 1:29 pm Post subject:
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absquatulation wrote: | ** GED ** wrote: |
Gizza Job? |
A scouser saying Gizza Job?
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Possibly heard someone say it but doesn't understand what it means
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absquatulation Off-Road Guru
Joined: 17 Apr 2005 Odometer: 1922 Location: Lost
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Posted: Mon Sep 25, 2017 1:51 pm Post subject:
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Xpajun wrote: | absquatulation wrote: | ** GED ** wrote: |
Gizza Job? |
A scouser saying Gizza Job?
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Possibly heard someone say it but doesn't understand what it means |
Watching too much TV..... Probably Jeremy Kyle!
(Side fact: Jeremy was a nice kid when I went to school with him.....)
__________________________________ I'm not here...... |
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** GED ** Mud Obsessed
Joined: 18 Jun 2014 Odometer: 2039 Location: Scouser
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Posted: Mon Sep 25, 2017 2:09 pm Post subject:
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keep up ladies....
__________________________________ the other co-founder of the DCJC
Member of TEAM CHAOS |
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Nightbar Difflock Royalty
Joined: 30 Sep 2003 Odometer: 20799 Location: In a state of anticipation...
1999 Land Rover Defender
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Posted: Tue Oct 10, 2017 8:24 pm Post subject:
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A blond woman pushes her BMW into a garage. She tells the mechanic it "just died", but after a few minutes of tinkering it's running smoothly.
"What was wrong?" she asked.
"Just crap in the carburetor"the bloke replies.
"How often do I have to do that"she says.
__________________________________ The ex-Difflock Ambassador to Naples, Sir Nightbar DCJC DFS and 2 bars.
Plant a tree for the Difflock 3 |
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Xpajun Mud Obsessed
Joined: 22 Sep 2008 Odometer: 3245
1988 Mitsubishi Shogun
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Posted: Thu Oct 19, 2017 9:43 am Post subject:
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The Queen is visiting a Glasgow hospital.
She enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or
illness,
She greets one. The patient replies:
"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm".
The Queen is confused, so she just grins and moves on to the next patient.
The next patient responds:
"Some hae meat an canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat an we can eat,
So let the Lord be thankit".
Even more confused, and her grin now rictus-like, the Queen moves on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:
" Wee sleekit, cowerin, timorous beasty,
O the panic in thy breasty,
Thou needna start awa sae hastie,
Wi bickering brattle".
Now seriously troubled, the Queen turns to the accompanying doctor and asks, 'Is this a psychiatric ward?'
'No,' replies the doctor,................................. 'this is the
serious Burns unit.'
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jojo Mud Obsessed
Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Odometer: 5422
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Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2017 10:49 am Post subject:
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How does a camel cross a river in the desert?
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It uses a hump back bridge!
J
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. Difflock Royalty
Joined: 19 Jun 2002 Odometer: 40007 Location: Northern Ireland's Gold Coast
2009 Land Rover 110 CSW
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Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2017 2:40 pm Post subject:
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Just renewing my Membership
__________________________________ Bert the Defender 110 XS - because it's Cool (work it out yourself!)
Lolita the Lightweight
???? the V8 90 CSW
Suzuki DL1000 V-Strom - yes that's right, I have a Zook! |
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** GED ** Mud Obsessed
Joined: 18 Jun 2014 Odometer: 2039 Location: Scouser
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Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2017 4:58 pm Post subject:
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__________________________________ the other co-founder of the DCJC
Member of TEAM CHAOS |
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mike328 Articulating
Joined: 10 Dec 2014 Odometer: 793 Location: Suffolk!
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Posted: Wed Dec 06, 2017 7:29 pm Post subject:
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Just finished a course in awful photography of plants.
I had to write a photo sin thesis.
__________________________________ Snap On: Turning drawers into status symbols since 1920. |
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teamidris Mud Obsessed
Joined: 24 Feb 2008 Odometer: 3372 Location: Staffordshire UK
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jojo Mud Obsessed
Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Odometer: 5422
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Posted: Sun Jan 21, 2018 9:38 am Post subject:
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A French man working in London as a French Letter salesman had been out celebrating the recent agreement between Britain and France. Under the agreement Britain takes in more illegal immigrants from Calais and pays £44million to beef up French security and all Britain gets in return is the loan of some crumby old tapestry rubbing in the battle of Hastings when Willy the conquerer defeated King Harold.
Anyway, the Frenchy had had a few beers and wanted to relieve himself so he found a dark alleyway to use. He was just about to pee when a police officer came along and said to him "You can't do that here sir. Come with me".
Frenchy thought he was being arrested and going to be thrown in jail as the police office took him a few metres along the alley, through a gate into a garden and up to a large door.
The officer said "There you are sir, you can relieve yourself against the door".
"Oh this is marvellous" replied the Fenchy, "Is this your good British hospitality?"
"No sir" said the police officer, "This is the French Embassy".
J
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Nightbar Difflock Royalty
Joined: 30 Sep 2003 Odometer: 20799 Location: In a state of anticipation...
1999 Land Rover Defender
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Posted: Sun Jan 21, 2018 9:52 am Post subject:
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__________________________________ The ex-Difflock Ambassador to Naples, Sir Nightbar DCJC DFS and 2 bars.
Plant a tree for the Difflock 3 |
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( Gray ) Articulating
Joined: 15 Apr 2012 Odometer: 597
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Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2018 12:38 pm Post subject:
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Far away in the tropical waters of the Coral Sea, two prawns were swimming around. One called Justin and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.
Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."
Just then, a large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted".
Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time passed (as it does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely.
All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While swimming alone one day, he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.
He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, within a trice, he found himself turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.
(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse).
Looking around the gathering at the reef he realised he couldn't see his old pal.
"Where's Christian?" he asked.
"He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode.
As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.
He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."
Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."
Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed."........
(...Wait for it...)
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."I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again, Christian"
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Nightbar Difflock Royalty
Joined: 30 Sep 2003 Odometer: 20799 Location: In a state of anticipation...
1999 Land Rover Defender
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Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2018 2:16 pm Post subject:
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5 stars in old money.
__________________________________ The ex-Difflock Ambassador to Naples, Sir Nightbar DCJC DFS and 2 bars.
Plant a tree for the Difflock 3 |
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** GED ** Mud Obsessed
Joined: 18 Jun 2014 Odometer: 2039 Location: Scouser
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Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2018 3:22 pm Post subject:
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****.
__________________________________ the other co-founder of the DCJC
Member of TEAM CHAOS |
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Nightbar Difflock Royalty
Joined: 30 Sep 2003 Odometer: 20799 Location: In a state of anticipation...
1999 Land Rover Defender
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Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2018 8:05 pm Post subject:
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Now you know you shouldn't say that Ged...
__________________________________ The ex-Difflock Ambassador to Naples, Sir Nightbar DCJC DFS and 2 bars.
Plant a tree for the Difflock 3 |
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** GED ** Mud Obsessed
Joined: 18 Jun 2014 Odometer: 2039 Location: Scouser
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Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2018 9:00 pm Post subject:
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i didnt....
__________________________________ the other co-founder of the DCJC
Member of TEAM CHAOS |
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Nightbar Difflock Royalty
Joined: 30 Sep 2003 Odometer: 20799 Location: In a state of anticipation...
1999 Land Rover Defender
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Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2018 10:57 pm Post subject:
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Oh yes you did
__________________________________ The ex-Difflock Ambassador to Naples, Sir Nightbar DCJC DFS and 2 bars.
Plant a tree for the Difflock 3 |
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** GED ** Mud Obsessed
Joined: 18 Jun 2014 Odometer: 2039 Location: Scouser
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Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2018 11:00 pm Post subject:
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prove it........
__________________________________ the other co-founder of the DCJC
Member of TEAM CHAOS |
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Nightbar Difflock Royalty
Joined: 30 Sep 2003 Odometer: 20799 Location: In a state of anticipation...
1999 Land Rover Defender
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Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2018 11:13 pm Post subject:
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But if you ask me to prove it then there is no faith. Without faith there is no belief.
I am the Zorya who keep you safe from Simargl.
__________________________________ The ex-Difflock Ambassador to Naples, Sir Nightbar DCJC DFS and 2 bars.
Plant a tree for the Difflock 3 |
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** GED ** Mud Obsessed
Joined: 18 Jun 2014 Odometer: 2039 Location: Scouser
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Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2018 11:59 pm Post subject:
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an i`m the scouser with a barrister in the family.
your move ducky.
__________________________________ the other co-founder of the DCJC
Member of TEAM CHAOS |
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( Gray ) Articulating
Joined: 15 Apr 2012 Odometer: 597
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Posted: Tue Feb 13, 2018 7:33 am Post subject:
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** GED ** wrote: | an i`m the scouser with a barista in the family.
your move ducky. |
Oooh, get him! A posh Scouser who has his own coffee maker!
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jojo Mud Obsessed
Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Odometer: 5422
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Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2018 9:58 am Post subject:
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Is it legal to make your own coffee?
J
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Xpajun Mud Obsessed
Joined: 22 Sep 2008 Odometer: 3245
1988 Mitsubishi Shogun
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Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2018 10:15 am Post subject:
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jojo wrote: | Is it legal to make your own coffee?
J |
If a scouser's doing it - probably not
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** GED ** Mud Obsessed
Joined: 18 Jun 2014 Odometer: 2039 Location: Scouser
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Posted: Tue Mar 20, 2018 12:13 pm Post subject:
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i had someone from telford taking the p15s the other day using the same regional stereotypes as seen in the media......
i`d rather be a scouser to be fair....
__________________________________ the other co-founder of the DCJC
Member of TEAM CHAOS |
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Nightbar Difflock Royalty
Joined: 30 Sep 2003 Odometer: 20799 Location: In a state of anticipation...
1999 Land Rover Defender
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Posted: Thu Mar 29, 2018 9:48 am Post subject:
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I was kidnapped by mime artists.
They did unspeakable things to me.
__________________________________ The ex-Difflock Ambassador to Naples, Sir Nightbar DCJC DFS and 2 bars.
Plant a tree for the Difflock 3 |
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jojo Mud Obsessed
Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Odometer: 5422
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Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2018 9:12 am Post subject:
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Nicked from elsewhere -
Happy Families:
What's the difference betweein "In Laws" and "Out Laws"?
Out Laws are wanted people.
J
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jojo Mud Obsessed
Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Odometer: 5422
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Posted: Sat Sep 29, 2018 9:25 am Post subject:
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A 75 year-old man walked into a crowded doctor’s waiting room and approached the desk.
The receptionist asked 'Yes Sir, what are you seeing the doctor for to-day?' 'There's something wrong with my dick' he replied,
The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that'. 'Why not, you asked me what was wrong, and I told you' replied the man.
The receptionist said 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people, you should have said ' There is something wrong with your ear and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private'.
The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone'.
The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked 'Yes?' 'There’s something wrong with my ear' he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice...'And what is wrong with your ear Sir?'
'I can’t pee out of it!' he replied.
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Nightbar Difflock Royalty
Joined: 30 Sep 2003 Odometer: 20799 Location: In a state of anticipation...
1999 Land Rover Defender
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Posted: Sat Sep 29, 2018 12:04 pm Post subject:
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__________________________________ The ex-Difflock Ambassador to Naples, Sir Nightbar DCJC DFS and 2 bars.
Plant a tree for the Difflock 3 |
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