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jojo
Mud Obsessed


Joined: 11 Aug 2007
Odometer: 5262




PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2015 9:56 am    Post subject: All together Reply with quote

A blonde gets a job as a teacher.

She notices a boy in the field stood by himself while all the other kids are running around having fun - She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him

'Are you OK?' she says. 'Yes' he says.

'You can play with the other kids you know' she says. 'It's best I stay here' he says.

'Why?' says the blonde............................



The boy says 'Because I'm the bloody goalie'

J
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one2killu
Off-Road Guru


Joined: 09 Jan 2010
Odometer: 1021
Location: suffolk


1996 Suzuki Samurai

PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2015 10:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing
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mike328
Articulating


Joined: 10 Dec 2014
Odometer: 793
Location: Suffolk!



PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2015 11:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

St. Peter was manning the Pearly Gates when 40 Liverpool fans showed up. Never having seen anyone from Liverpool at heaven's door, St. Peter said he would have to check with God. After hearing the news, God instructed him to admit the 10 most virtuous from the group.


A few minutes later, Saint Peter returned to God breathless and said, "They're gone."
"What? All of the Liverpool fans are gone?" asked God.

"No" replied Saint Peter "The Pearly Gates!"

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Snap On: Turning drawers into status symbols since 1920.
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Nightbar
Difflock Royalty


Joined: 30 Sep 2003
Odometer: 20600
Location: In a state of anticipation...


1999 Land Rover Defender

PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2015 12:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Excellent. Stolen...
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The ex-Difflock Ambassador to Naples, Sir Nightbar DCJC DFS and 2 bars.

Plant a tree for the Difflock 3
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Xpajun
Mud Obsessed


Joined: 22 Sep 2008
Odometer: 3233



1988 Mitsubishi Shogun

PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2015 1:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nightbar wrote:
Excellent. Stolen...




Errrrrrrrrrr..................

Oh never mind Laughing
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one2killu
Off-Road Guru


Joined: 09 Jan 2010
Odometer: 1021
Location: suffolk


1996 Suzuki Samurai

PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2015 4:34 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Was my joke to much for the lounge mr moderator
Embarassed I do apologise Angel
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mike328
Articulating


Joined: 10 Dec 2014
Odometer: 793
Location: Suffolk!



PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2015 5:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

one of mine too... no excuses..... Embarassed
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Nightbar
Difflock Royalty


Joined: 30 Sep 2003
Odometer: 20600
Location: In a state of anticipation...


1999 Land Rover Defender

PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2015 6:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

one2killu wrote:
Was my joke to much for the lounge mr moderator
Embarassed I do apologise Angel


What was it?

(Or try the smoking room...)

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The ex-Difflock Ambassador to Naples, Sir Nightbar DCJC DFS and 2 bars.

Plant a tree for the Difflock 3
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one2killu
Off-Road Guru


Joined: 09 Jan 2010
Odometer: 1021
Location: suffolk


1996 Suzuki Samurai

PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2015 6:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I won't repeat it , don't want to upset anyone . I did try the smoking room seems you need to request access these days , pending an answer
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Nightbar
Difflock Royalty


Joined: 30 Sep 2003
Odometer: 20600
Location: In a state of anticipation...


1999 Land Rover Defender

PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2015 7:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

They let me in...

...but that's no judge!

Probs a good idea not to repeat Cool

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The ex-Difflock Ambassador to Naples, Sir Nightbar DCJC DFS and 2 bars.

Plant a tree for the Difflock 3
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** GED **
Off-Road Guru


Joined: 18 Jun 2014
Odometer: 1959
Location: Scouser



PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2015 8:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i broke in
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the other co-founder of the DCJC

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one2killu
Off-Road Guru


Joined: 09 Jan 2010
Odometer: 1021
Location: suffolk


1996 Suzuki Samurai

PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2015 8:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

😁 GED broke in
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mike328
Articulating


Joined: 10 Dec 2014
Odometer: 793
Location: Suffolk!



PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2015 8:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

** GED ** wrote:
i broke in


Used one of the posts from the pearly gates as a pry bar... Laughing

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Nightbar
Difflock Royalty


Joined: 30 Sep 2003
Odometer: 20600
Location: In a state of anticipation...


1999 Land Rover Defender

PostPosted: Tue Dec 15, 2015 10:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ged: In out in out shake it all about...

... Cool

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The ex-Difflock Ambassador to Naples, Sir Nightbar DCJC DFS and 2 bars.

Plant a tree for the Difflock 3
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RichardD
Marshall


Joined: 13 Mar 2003
Odometer: 22856
Location: State of Confusion



PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2015 12:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

one2killu wrote:
I won't repeat it , don't want to upset anyone . I did try the smoking room seems you need to request access these days , pending an answer


sorted

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Poking the Grim Reaper with a stick then running away. The devil made me do it but God said it was okay with him.
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one2killu
Off-Road Guru


Joined: 09 Jan 2010
Odometer: 1021
Location: suffolk


1996 Suzuki Samurai

PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2015 12:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thank you .
Here's a good clean one for the family :

I bought my new dog home the other day ,
We called him sandwich .

He was half bred
Ta dah 😄

Ik right
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absquatulation
Off-Road Guru


Joined: 17 Apr 2005
Odometer: 1907
Location: Lost



PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2015 2:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was in a band once, called Duvet,

It was a cover band.

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Please Note: Some quantum physics theories suggest that when Simon is not directly observed, he may cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state.

I'm not here......
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mike328
Articulating


Joined: 10 Dec 2014
Odometer: 793
Location: Suffolk!



PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2015 2:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing Shouldn't that be in the 'I was in band' thread...

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

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** GED **
Off-Road Guru


Joined: 18 Jun 2014
Odometer: 1959
Location: Scouser



PostPosted: Wed Dec 16, 2015 3:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

that joke has just put paid to two thousand years of Christianity......


well done that man.

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the other co-founder of the DCJC

Member of TEAM CHAOS
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Nightbar
Difflock Royalty


Joined: 30 Sep 2003
Odometer: 20600
Location: In a state of anticipation...


1999 Land Rover Defender

PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2015 12:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

And a merry christmas to you all!
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The ex-Difflock Ambassador to Naples, Sir Nightbar DCJC DFS and 2 bars.

Plant a tree for the Difflock 3
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Xpajun
Mud Obsessed


Joined: 22 Sep 2008
Odometer: 3233



1988 Mitsubishi Shogun

PostPosted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 9:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Saw this post in a pagan forum the other day:

"I like to celebrate Yule, but we celebrate Christmas for my husband and daughter as they are atheists" Shocked Shocked Shocked
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mike328
Articulating


Joined: 10 Dec 2014
Odometer: 793
Location: Suffolk!



PostPosted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 11:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Xpajun wrote:
I like to celebrate Yule, but we celebrate Christmas for my husband and daughter as they are greedy drunk materialistic present grabbers



edited for cynical modern realism Shocked





Sorry everyone, Merry Christmas Smile

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Snap On: Turning drawers into status symbols since 1920.
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teamidris
Mud Obsessed


Joined: 24 Feb 2008
Odometer: 3343
Location: Staffordshire UK



PostPosted: Tue Dec 22, 2015 4:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hI_fxslDNKU

It's time to revive Enok and Ely Smile

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https://m.youtube.com/channel/UC3l3zoaCabKrgBSULSV1YgA
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