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jojo Mud Obsessed
Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Odometer: 5422
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Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 10:24 am Post subject: A continental holiday
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A Gendarme in Paris spots a Land Rover approaching the Champs Elysees with a light out. He beckons the driver to pull over, which he does and winds his window down. The Officer has a good look inside the car and notices that the driver and passenger are conjoined twins, Bobby & Davy.
Instead of making an issue over the light out situation he begins to engage in some friendly chat.
The Gendarme says “Ah, you are on holiday my friends?”
Davy replied “That's right, we've been coming every September weekend for the last 9 years”.
The Gendarme said “So I guess you come to France to get away from the rainy weather you have in England?
Davy replied “Nope, it nearly always pishes down when we come here. Your weather's no better than ours, isn't that right Bobby?” Bobby agreed “Yep that’s right”.
The Gendarme went on “Then I take it you are here to enjoy our delicious French food, very healthy”.
“Nope” replied Davy “Your food's rotten man, everything reeks of garlic. We've brought a box full of stuff to avoid eating your crap”.
Puzzled, the Gendarme asked “Then you must be here to drink our famous wines and cognac, surely”.
“Oh no” Davy replied “Your Booze is dreadful, we've had to bring a crate load of lager. Isn't that right Bobby?”
The Gendarme, who by now ever so slightly bemused said “Well in that case you must be here to see the Parisienne ladies, the most beautiful women in Europe .
“Your kidding” said Davey “The birds here are dogs, and I wouldn’t touch them with yours”.
The now rather irate Gendarme asked “Then why do you people come to our country if everything is so bad?
Bobby replied “Because it's the only chance poor Davy gets to drive!
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** GED ** Mud Obsessed
Joined: 18 Jun 2014 Odometer: 2039 Location: Scouser
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Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 1:45 pm Post subject:
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__________________________________ the other co-founder of the DCJC
Member of TEAM CHAOS |
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. Difflock Royalty
Joined: 19 Jun 2002 Odometer: 40007 Location: Northern Ireland's Gold Coast
2009 Land Rover 110 CSW
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Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 1:51 pm Post subject:
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groan
__________________________________ Bert the Defender 110 XS - because it's Cool (work it out yourself!)
Lolita the Lightweight
???? the V8 90 CSW
Suzuki DL1000 V-Strom - yes that's right, I have a Zook! |
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Nightbar Difflock Royalty
Joined: 30 Sep 2003 Odometer: 20799 Location: In a state of anticipation...
1999 Land Rover Defender
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Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 2:39 pm Post subject:
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Coat, door...
__________________________________ The ex-Difflock Ambassador to Naples, Sir Nightbar DCJC DFS and 2 bars.
Plant a tree for the Difflock 3 |
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jojo Mud Obsessed
Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Odometer: 5422
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Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 9:12 pm Post subject:
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Sorry.
2 nuns sitting on a park bench, a pervert comes up to them opens his mack and flashes his manhood at them. . . . . one nun had a stroke the other couldn't reach.
J
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mike328 Articulating
Joined: 10 Dec 2014 Odometer: 793 Location: Suffolk!
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Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 9:21 pm Post subject:
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yep.
__________________________________ Snap On: Turning drawers into status symbols since 1920. |
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Nightbar Difflock Royalty
Joined: 30 Sep 2003 Odometer: 20799 Location: In a state of anticipation...
1999 Land Rover Defender
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Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 9:33 pm Post subject:
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jojo wrote: |
Sorry.
2 nuns sitting on a park bench, a pervert comes up to them opens his mack and flashes his manhood at them. . . . . one nun had a stroke the other couldn't reach.
J |
Two nuns in a bath.
One says "where's the soap?"
The other replies "yes it does"
__________________________________ The ex-Difflock Ambassador to Naples, Sir Nightbar DCJC DFS and 2 bars.
Plant a tree for the Difflock 3 |
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mike328 Articulating
Joined: 10 Dec 2014 Odometer: 793 Location: Suffolk!
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Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 9:37 pm Post subject:
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I don't get it.
__________________________________ Snap On: Turning drawers into status symbols since 1920. |
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jojo Mud Obsessed
Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Odometer: 5422
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Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 9:37 pm Post subject:
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Two eggs boiling in a saucepan! 1 female 1 male, she turns to him and say's look I've got a crack!
He replies no point in telling me I'm not even hard yet...
J
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jojo Mud Obsessed
Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Odometer: 5422
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Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 9:38 pm Post subject:
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mike328 wrote: | I don't get it. |
Nor did the other nun!!!!
J
Two nuns were on their bikes in the cobbled streets of Paris and the first nun says to the other "Have you come this way before?".
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mike328 Articulating
Joined: 10 Dec 2014 Odometer: 793 Location: Suffolk!
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Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 9:41 pm Post subject:
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jojo wrote: | Two eggs boiling in a saucepan! 1 female 1 male, she turns to him and say's look I've got a crack!
He replies no point in telling me I'm not even hard yet...
J |
Groan.
__________________________________ Snap On: Turning drawers into status symbols since 1920. |
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Nightbar Difflock Royalty
Joined: 30 Sep 2003 Odometer: 20799 Location: In a state of anticipation...
1999 Land Rover Defender
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Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 10:00 pm Post subject:
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
2 - but nobody knows how they got in there.
__________________________________ The ex-Difflock Ambassador to Naples, Sir Nightbar DCJC DFS and 2 bars.
Plant a tree for the Difflock 3 |
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one2killu Off-Road Guru
Joined: 09 Jan 2010 Odometer: 1021 Location: suffolk
1996 Suzuki Samurai
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Posted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 11:58 pm Post subject:
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A nun and a priest are wandering, lost, in the desert, when all of a sudden their camel up and dies.
Seeing nothing but sand around them for miles, they prepare themselves to meet their Maker.
The Priest, knowing that he's mere hours away from death,
says: You know, I've never seen a woman's breasts before. Since it probably won't matter any more soon anyways, would you show me yours?
The nun agrees, and shows him.
He asks, 'May I touch them?
She agrees, and he tells her with complete sincerity that they're very nice.
Next, the nun says that she's never seen a man's SPAM before, and would he mind showing her his. He agrees, and whips it out.
That's very nice! She says. May I touch it?
He agrees, and she fondles him, resulting, of course, in a hard on .
The priest, now overcome years of pent-up lust,
says: You know, if I put my SPAM in the right place, it can give life!
She asks, Is that so?
Yes!
Then why don't you stick it up that camel's ass and let's get the hell out of here!
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jojo Mud Obsessed
Joined: 11 Aug 2007 Odometer: 5422
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Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 10:11 am Post subject:
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Xpajun Mud Obsessed
Joined: 22 Sep 2008 Odometer: 3245
1988 Mitsubishi Shogun
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Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 9:22 pm Post subject:
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mike328 wrote: | I don't get it. |
Didn't realise you were a nun
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mike328 Articulating
Joined: 10 Dec 2014 Odometer: 793 Location: Suffolk!
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Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 11:36 pm Post subject:
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Xpajun wrote: | mike328 wrote: | I don't get it. |
Didn't realise you were a nun |
__________________________________ Snap On: Turning drawers into status symbols since 1920. |
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