FORUM CLASSIFIEDS DIFFLOCK.com Links & Networks
Forum Homepage
Log in
Profile
Search
Private Messages
Forum Members
Register
Classified Ads
Search Ads
Place New Ad
My ads
Place your classified
ads here for FREE
NB: Adverts placed in the general
forum areas will be deleted
Difflock Homepage
Online Shop
Contact Us
FAQ
Calendar
Garage
Facebook
Twitter
Youtube
Advertise With Us - Reach your target market by advertising on the Difflock.com forum.
Click here or call 0845 125 9407


A continental holiday

 
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Difflock Forum Index -> The Lounge
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
jojo
Mud Obsessed


Joined: 11 Aug 2007
Odometer: 5305




PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 10:24 am    Post subject: A continental holiday Reply with quote

A Gendarme in Paris spots a Land Rover approaching the Champs Elysees with a light out. He beckons the driver to pull over, which he does and winds his window down. The Officer has a good look inside the car and notices that the driver and passenger are conjoined twins, Bobby & Davy.

Instead of making an issue over the light out situation he begins to engage in some friendly chat.
The Gendarme says “Ah, you are on holiday my friends?”

Davy replied “That's right, we've been coming every September weekend for the last 9 years”.
The Gendarme said “So I guess you come to France to get away from the rainy weather you have in England?

Davy replied “Nope, it nearly always pishes down when we come here. Your weather's no better than ours, isn't that right Bobby?” Bobby agreed “Yep that’s right”.

The Gendarme went on “Then I take it you are here to enjoy our delicious French food, very healthy”.

“Nope” replied Davy “Your food's rotten man, everything reeks of garlic. We've brought a box full of stuff to avoid eating your crap”.

Puzzled, the Gendarme asked “Then you must be here to drink our famous wines and cognac, surely”.

“Oh no” Davy replied “Your Booze is dreadful, we've had to bring a crate load of lager. Isn't that right Bobby?”
The Gendarme, who by now ever so slightly bemused said “Well in that case you must be here to see the Parisienne ladies, the most beautiful women in Europe .

“Your kidding” said Davey “The birds here are dogs, and I wouldn’t touch them with yours”.

The now rather irate Gendarme asked “Then why do you people come to our country if everything is so bad?

Bobby replied “Because it's the only chance poor Davy gets to drive!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
** GED **
Mud Obsessed


Joined: 18 Jun 2014
Odometer: 2006
Location: Scouser



PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 1:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laughing Laughing Laughing
__________________________________
the other co-founder of the DCJC

Member of TEAM CHAOS
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
.
Difflock Royalty


Joined: 19 Jun 2002
Odometer: 40007
Location: Northern Ireland's Gold Coast


2009 Land Rover 110 CSW

PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 1:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

groan
__________________________________
Bert the Defender 110 XS - because it's Cool (work it out yourself!)
Lolita the Lightweight
???? the V8 90 CSW
Suzuki DL1000 V-Strom - yes that's right, I have a Zook!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website eBay Name
Nightbar
Difflock Royalty


Joined: 30 Sep 2003
Odometer: 20676
Location: In a state of anticipation...


1999 Land Rover Defender

PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 2:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Coat, door...


__________________________________
The ex-Difflock Ambassador to Naples, Sir Nightbar DCJC DFS and 2 bars.

Plant a tree for the Difflock 3
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger Skype NameeBay Name
jojo
Mud Obsessed


Joined: 11 Aug 2007
Odometer: 5305




PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 9:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

. wrote:
groan


Sorry.

2 nuns sitting on a park bench, a pervert comes up to them opens his mack and flashes his manhood at them. . . . . one nun had a stroke the other couldn't reach.

J
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
mike328
Articulating


Joined: 10 Dec 2014
Odometer: 793
Location: Suffolk!



PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 9:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

jojo wrote:
. wrote:
groan


yep.

__________________________________
Snap On: Turning drawers into status symbols since 1920.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Nightbar
Difflock Royalty


Joined: 30 Sep 2003
Odometer: 20676
Location: In a state of anticipation...


1999 Land Rover Defender

PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 9:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

jojo wrote:
. wrote:
groan


Sorry.

2 nuns sitting on a park bench, a pervert comes up to them opens his mack and flashes his manhood at them. . . . . one nun had a stroke the other couldn't reach.

J


Two nuns in a bath.
One says "where's the soap?"
The other replies "yes it does"

__________________________________
The ex-Difflock Ambassador to Naples, Sir Nightbar DCJC DFS and 2 bars.

Plant a tree for the Difflock 3
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger Skype NameeBay Name
mike328
Articulating


Joined: 10 Dec 2014
Odometer: 793
Location: Suffolk!



PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 9:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't get it.
__________________________________
Snap On: Turning drawers into status symbols since 1920.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
jojo
Mud Obsessed


Joined: 11 Aug 2007
Odometer: 5305




PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 9:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Two eggs boiling in a saucepan! 1 female 1 male, she turns to him and say's look I've got a crack!

He replies no point in telling me I'm not even hard yet...

J
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
jojo
Mud Obsessed


Joined: 11 Aug 2007
Odometer: 5305




PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 9:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

mike328 wrote:
I don't get it.



Nor did the other nun!!!!

J

Two nuns were on their bikes in the cobbled streets of Paris and the first nun says to the other "Have you come this way before?".
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
mike328
Articulating


Joined: 10 Dec 2014
Odometer: 793
Location: Suffolk!



PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 9:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

jojo wrote:
Two eggs boiling in a saucepan! 1 female 1 male, she turns to him and say's look I've got a crack!

He replies no point in telling me I'm not even hard yet...

J


Groan. Laughing

__________________________________
Snap On: Turning drawers into status symbols since 1920.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Nightbar
Difflock Royalty


Joined: 30 Sep 2003
Odometer: 20676
Location: In a state of anticipation...


1999 Land Rover Defender

PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 10:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2 - but nobody knows how they got in there.

__________________________________
The ex-Difflock Ambassador to Naples, Sir Nightbar DCJC DFS and 2 bars.

Plant a tree for the Difflock 3
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger Skype NameeBay Name
one2killu
Off-Road Guru


Joined: 09 Jan 2010
Odometer: 1021
Location: suffolk


1996 Suzuki Samurai

PostPosted: Fri Dec 18, 2015 11:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A nun and a priest are wandering, lost, in the desert, when all of a sudden their camel up and dies.
Seeing nothing but sand around them for miles, they prepare themselves to meet their Maker.
The Priest, knowing that he's mere hours away from death,
says: You know, I've never seen a woman's breasts before. Since it probably won't matter any more soon anyways, would you show me yours?
The nun agrees, and shows him.
He asks, 'May I touch them?
She agrees, and he tells her with complete sincerity that they're very nice.
Next, the nun says that she's never seen a man's SPAM before, and would he mind showing her his. He agrees, and whips it out.
That's very nice! She says. May I touch it?
He agrees, and she fondles him, resulting, of course, in a hard on .
The priest, now overcome years of pent-up lust,
says: You know, if I put my SPAM in the right place, it can give life!
She asks, Is that so?
Yes!
Then why don't you stick it up that camel's ass and let's get the hell out of here!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
jojo
Mud Obsessed


Joined: 11 Aug 2007
Odometer: 5305




PostPosted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 10:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy Laughing
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Xpajun
Mud Obsessed


Joined: 22 Sep 2008
Odometer: 3242



1988 Mitsubishi Shogun

PostPosted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 9:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

mike328 wrote:
I don't get it.


Didn't realise you were a nun Laughing
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website eBay Name
mike328
Articulating


Joined: 10 Dec 2014
Odometer: 793
Location: Suffolk!



PostPosted: Sat Dec 19, 2015 11:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Xpajun wrote:
mike328 wrote:
I don't get it.


Didn't realise you were a nun Laughing


Laughing Laughing

__________________________________
Snap On: Turning drawers into status symbols since 1920.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Difflock Forum Index -> The Lounge All times are GMT - 12 Hours
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot post calendar events in this forum
Oil Safe

Evo Oils

Adrian Flux 2019

Service Kits

Specialist Tools

Join our mailing list for upcoming events, special offers, discount coupons and expert advice on the latest 4x4 products!

* indicates required





    
Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group